It's occurred to me that women are on The No Apology Tour. You cannot shame women who feel no guilt. What I am trying to make sense of is-is it a time of empowerment for women or have we actually forfeited a piece of ourselves in the process of tearing down the remnants of a double standard and taking full custody of our sexuality.

I came of age during a time when virginity and inexperience were the ultimate male aphrodesiacs. Innocence was highly prized. Women were "the slut police"; enforcing, punishing, judging and ostracizing those who refused to adhere to the sexual norms. It wasn't that we weren't sexual beings with urges and desires. We were just coerced into denying our impulses and not acting on them. You did not want to be the subject of the male locker room or have other girls gossiping about your promiscuity. I think the walk of shame is now like walking the red carpet. We don't skulk  home but rather parade the next morning in the clothes we wore for a hook up or one night stand.

Among my favorite literary heroines was Hester Pryn of Hawthorne's  "The Scarlet Letter."  Hester was publicly shamed on the town square for her adultery. She was shunned for her transgression and forced to wear  the scarlet letter A so all became aware of her mortal sin. There was no sympathy or allowance for the fact that she was in an abusive loveless marriage with an older man who had been away for quite some time. I adored her for her passion, loyalty and how through her good works she revealed the hypocrisy of those who stood in judgment. In film, Susan Hayward's portrayal of the other  woman in "Back Street "was unforgettable. Her character loved so fiercely but lived a life in the shadows as the object of her unwavering affection continued his fascade as devoted husband and pillar of the community. In fact "Madame X" and "An Affair to Remember"  all depicted women who suffered reversals for acting on their passions with unavailable men. The men's reputations remained untarnished but the women achieved such nobility as they were marginalized for their ignominious act. Certainly while cinamatically, the mistress' plight makes for great melodrama and a three hanky movie, the overall message was that women who chose or unknowingly ventured into wanton woman territory were destined to suffer.

Fast forward to more current potential scandalous events and one has to take note of how differently   the adulteress/mistress scenario plays out. We were treated to the parade of Tiger Woods' mistresses  who were actually given numbers like those you receive while waiting your turn to be called. Attorney Gloria Allred who annointed herself Feminist Counsel made sure each one got their share of airtime and photo op.Not one of them expressed remorse or apologized to Tiger's soon to be ex-wife. Even Carlos Danger's aka Anthony Weiner's cyper-playmate came to town to cash in on her fifteen minutes of fame. Sometimes these women are actually rewarded.Case in point--Client Number Nine, Eliot Spitzer's call girl was given a position as advice columnist on " relationship enhancement' in the NY Post.

We discovered Ben Affleck's marriage to America's sweetheart  Jennifer Garner was not only kaput but the final nail in the coffin was his kanoodling with nanny Christine Ouzounian. Rather than keeping a low profile out of respect for the couple's privacy and regard for their three children -Christine "flaunts her scarlet letter like it's the seasons hottest accessory" ("The Cut" Maureen O'Conner Aug.,16,2015) These mistresses are now revered as "quasi-ironic icons for sexual audacity." I really doubt that her promotion from nanny to in-house hookup will endear her to Affleck for a relationship of any permanence. My sense is she will ride this notoriety bus for however long the trip lasts.

Now we come to the Ashley Madison cheating website hacking fiasco. Neither the hackers or the cheaters emerge as pillars of propriety. That being said, I was struck by something other than the realization of how pervasive extramarital affairs are. I am not surprised that most of those frequenting the website were male but I was more taken aback by the wives who chose this forum. Perhaps my thinking is antiquated but I still believed that women became involved in these adulterous relationships because they met someone that they developed feelings  and an undeniable attraction for and who provided them with something they believed was missing in their marriage. Now, we are confronted with women who in a very calculating move decide they want to  cybershop for a recreational cohort to set up an encounter for the primary purpose of acting out a sexual scenario. They are deliberately eliminating the preliminaries of having developed an irresistable attraction to someone in their life. This is strictly a recreational romp with a likeminded married stranger.

Is this mindset to be celebrated because women have become more like men in demanding and feeling entitled to seek out and act out on our fantasies without any of the emotional overlay? I suppose this eliminates the emotional affair component. Should a spouse who discovers this betrayal take solace in learning, "He meant nothing to me. I didn't even know him"

I  think Amy Schumer in "Trainwreck", even though single, nailed how empty and devoid of connectiom these hookups are. The idea of being taken advantage of or exploited can no longer apply since both partners in these sexual transactions don't pretend to want anything beyond the momentary one night stand. Intimacy is so not on the agenda. Is this sexual interplay more honest (we are not factoring the unsuspecting spouse into this equation) because neither is seeking anything beyond acting out their fantasies with a stranger who is game?

Certainly, not being ridiculed by society and branded with a Scarlet Letter as punishment for promiscuity speaks to achieving more equality in relationships.--But what about our moral compass? What about our own interior monologues? What do we see when we look in the mirror after we involve ourselves in these questionable pursuits? Is it acceptable to not consider the betrayal of our spouse? Is not feeling shame or remorse but rather attempting to benefit by cashing in or seeking celebrity a good thing? Should we admire the new audacious woman who refuses to let others judge her but instead seizes the sexual limelight? Maybe we've gained equality in taking ownership of our sexuality but I'm afraid both sexes may have lost their way.